i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
