how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
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judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
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I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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