is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
