just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
