Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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