i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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