Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just found puke in my bra..
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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