Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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