to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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