I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
