so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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