I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We had sex on a dog bed..
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
