I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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