dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it's like iHOP with fire
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My Sexting was not on an AP level
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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