i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
why is half of my head shaved?
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