dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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