Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
