You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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