Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
