I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
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he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
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what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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