im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
