A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
