could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
