I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
