If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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