It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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