I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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