they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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