Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
