Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
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your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
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I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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