At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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