You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
