I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
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