i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
