If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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