Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
