Me. At least after what I've been through.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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