Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
