if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
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Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
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I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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