why didn't you poke me back
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
