I want to have your abortion
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
