Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
