We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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