KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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