Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
