She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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