I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
