That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
