If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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