It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
