I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
