he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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