took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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