Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
why does every cop we meet know your name?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
