I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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