I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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