at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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