my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
