Im at strip club and am horny
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
