he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
