My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
