White coat. Heels.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
