If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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