A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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