Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
